I know how damn emo that sounds,
but seriously,
where is the love?

In my whole 9 years in this,
I've never seen or heard
of such rejecting reasons!
You know, when im all motivated to do something
there are always things like this to stop you.
And when we don't get involve,
they will ask why not?
how contradicting can it get?
Sometimes its not the devil,
it's our own bloody SYSTEMS!

Do these people really care?
Do people mean alot to them?
Or do they care more about things?
It's hard to call these people my family
They don't really treat me like a family,
or do they care.
(oh, maybe in their clique of 5.)
All they ask of me is to initiate, let them grow n crap.
Then let me ask,
What abt me?
i've heard enough of their side of the story.

you knw what?
I give up giving feedbacks, opinions and such.
Im so going to bloody numb my damn feelings
and behave like things like these doesn't mean to me.

it's so sad like how people just brush you aside once you aren't under their wings?
They don't even provide a listening ear,
all they do is to doubt and question whatever you say.
just because of that past.
Do you dare to say you love?
Im not talking about neglecting the fringe members.
Im talking abt commitment.
I hate to agree whatever Candy said made sense.
This place seems to be turning so cold and unfriendly.
it's not how it used to be anymore.

 

Yes! School's starting soon in a very incredible short time.
I seriously can't understand how SIM could revise their timetables just a day before sch starts!
But I'm glad they changed it for the better :)
I'm really sorry for those who didn't check the portal last night
and realise that they have made a wasted trip to sch.

I realised that i blog monthly.
period i guess.
Anw, believe it or not,
Sue and I worked as NTUC cashiers during the hols.
There was this fateful day,
with 3 incidents.
Jen and her gang was catching a movie.
Honestly I was hoping they will not come to my counter.
But nah, they chose to come to my counter,
w/o knowing that it was me!
let's just say cos Im fast. haha
And when they saw me,
you could imagine Jen opening her mouth so big,
and I had to hush them. haha.
Next was Sue's mom.
I saw her but then again I was hoping she don't come to my counter.
She also didn't know it was me.
Last was Joycelyn Sim Wan Sim!
She took a pic of me working!
Oh, how I love seeing my friends while working.

Now that Sue found another job which leaves me dangling around.
I need clothes, bags n shoes badly!
I really need a job evern more badly!
And I really really hope to go HK!
I know with all the H1N1, its even harder now :(
I feel so broke.

Some confession,
i've been on a lookout for BC's
DKNY-Inspired Dress In Lime green
http://bonitochico.livejournal.com/115973.html

Balenciaga-Inspired Motorcycle Jacket
http://bonitochico.livejournal.com/115387.html#cutid1

Puff-Sleeved Knit Cardigan
http://bonitochico.livejournal.com/117546.html

for a very long time alr.
But I just can't get any!
The quality and design must be so gd that everybody just likes it :(

Anw, my parents just gotten a new printer cum fax cum scanner cum photocopier.
and I found some photos to try it!









The colours are abit too rich,
but they are true to the photos.
So I guess it's cos I don't photoshop.
These were actually taken during CNY last year.
I love my hair then.
My grandpa is even skinnier now,
and he wanted to be put into an old folks home.
He is really fragile,
its like just a rub against anything and he will start bleeding.
I hope the nurses in the home is skilled enough to take care of him (& his temper)

( The last before the mad rush )
 

Exams are finally over!
My papers were still do-able,
but i'm not sure if my answers are right.
there's a diff between confidence and getting it right.

And now i'm having the after exams stress,
that's to find a job.
Sue and I have decided that
we don't really want an office job this time round
Reason being that after we graduate,
we have no other choice but to work in the office.
So why not just enjoy the part time now that we can.
some might think that we are too wilful,
but we are seriously too 'sianded' of office jobs.

And so this week,
we went around the whole of Tamp n Pasir Ris looking for jobs.
From Ikea to TM to Whitesands.
No one wants us!
Sometimes we don't really understand
why shops still paste the "WE ARE HIRING' sign
when there are no vacancies.
We were so desperate until we walked in to mac.
(I've never expected such a day will come.)
And they actually rejected us cos we were uni students.
hard to believe but ya.
Anyway, today we walked in to starbucks.
They are the only one who actually interviewed us.
(the rest merely asked us to fill up the app form)
They are our only hope.
If not, then we have to resort back to office jobs.


 

 

I used to pity those kids whose birthdays falls during the exams period.
Now, I have my retribution.

I did not really had a grand celebration this year,
just a few good old buddies texting me their wishes.
And I really appreciate them much!
I was in fact very touched that some of them somehow rem my bday.
people like Joyce Lee, Ben Tan, Ying Jia.
I mean these are people I haven't contact for like ages.
Not to mention the supper babes surprised me at my door yesterday!
They bought me lunch and we studied tog.
The timing was just right because I also haven't had my lunch!
And not forgetting that Richard surprised me with a cake.
I really appreciate them all.

Last week, I went to Luxasia sale with Maurise and Germaine.
It was something that until today I did not regret.
Actually, I have not heard of it until Mau asked if I want to go along with her.
And since we planned to exchange our used makeups at Tangs in the later afternoon,
I agreed.
I was really amazed by the prices there.
I saw Stilla, and I really loved Stilla.
Mau was raving about YSL.
Seeing how the branded fragrance were ridiculously prices,
I was just so enticed.
Guy Laroche wallets were also selling fast.
In the end, I couldn't decide what was not necessary and thus,
at the end of the day, I got:
1 Stilla eyeshadow in some nude colour for my mom since the last one I got from Laneiage sale did not suit her.
2. Guy Laroche wallet for my mom's birthday.
3. Ferragamore latest fragrance; incanto.
4. Stilla mousse blushes in peach and pink.
5. Stilla's hair refresher.
6. Stilla's eye makeup remover
7. YSL lipstick
8. Geurlain lipstick
9. YSL blusher

The sale is so good that I convinced Richard to go with me on the last day.
I felt that such sales are the best place to get presents for people.
And so, he got his mom a Guy Laroche wallet,
and a card holer for himself.
 I was so attracted to that Guy Laroche wallet that I got one for myself too.
Previously I wanted to get a fragrance for R,
BUT i was sooooo afraid he will not like the scent.
(due to past experience that I always get something not to his liking)
And so, I got him something he and I liked :)
We went back feeling happy.

It was really a good thing we went back on the last day even when almost everything is gone.
because just nice his mom's wallet spoiled and needed a new one :)
Yes I did spend a bomb that sale.

 

It's sad to know how ugly singaporeans can be,
aunties specifically.
I was on a bus that was sardin packed with humans,
so I was stuck at the exit of the bus.
Came a stop where majority were alighting,
and I have no idea why they were rushing to get out.
SInce they were all rushing to get out,
I couldn't get in.
Then an auntie said to me,
'Don't stand here la,
if not how to tap out.'
With the good spirit I had,
I replied,
'But I can't get in.'
Actually I was capable of,
' you are rushing out so how am I suppost to get in?!'
and give her that murderous stare.

I'm jobless.
my contract have just ended,
and i'm suppose to be studying, revising, doing projs
but my heart just can't seem to find its way there.
the weather makes me want to swim.
the internet makes me want to watch shows.
the bed makes me want to sleep.

now that i'm super available,
my buddies aren't free to meet. :(
so i'm like stuck at home,
forcing myself to focus on something thats last on my list,
P-R-O-J-E-C-T.


 

Lately, i've been asked.
what made you stay in Hope.
it may sound ironic,
but I really don't know.

 there are just some things I just can't get to terms with.
The reasons and happenings are valid enough.
happenings that I thought will never happen.
I just want to get out of the emotional torment.
Logically, there isn't any reason for me not to.

But I just couldn't.
I couldn't bear to,
This is where I grew up,
the place I spent my childhood days,
the place where I felt my highest and lowest.
if I did, I will feel that i've betrayed,
if I did, I know it will be the easier way out.
if i did, God knows what will happen to me.

i took the risk.
and i wish,
that every baby step i take,
you will be there to help me.
I wish,
that whatever thats yet to come,
you will not make it so heavy.
I wish,
that you will control my heart,
since this is what you want me to do.

 please grant me these wishes, won't you?

Valentines Day finally has it meaning on me.
This is the 1st year I celebrated my valentines differently.
In past years,
I celebrated with close friends
cos all of us were single then.
(nope, they weren't substitutes.)
Now that most of us arent,
we celebrate with our other half instead :)
I always believe that,
we should not just valentine with our loved ones on the V day,
but it should be an everyday thing.


( that's if you're interested )

random I know but just let me say what's been bothering me.
I think I'm a shopaholic.
I just bought many things online,
and I see that i'm still capable of buying more.
but am hesitating due to the fact that i don't print money.
I shop online because it is much cheaper than those at the retails.
I need to do something about my shopaholic-ness,
either, I control my spending (painful decision)
or I need a higher pay job (i would love to)
BOTH will be a wise decision.

 

Just a flash of an eye and its already almost the end of CNY.
CNY eve was crazy,
had reunion steamboat lunch at Richard's
and reunion dinner with my family.
It was like eating the whole day and,
I looked like I conceived.
Unfortunately, there was a big 'hoo ha' during reunion dinner between my mom & cousin. 
It was quite bad until my uncle had to lose his cool.

This year's CNY seemed alittle quieter than usual,
visited my relatives on the first & second day,
and there was another small 'hooha' between my mom & dad.
visited few of my friends the next few days.
some of my 'wonderful' friends decided not to visit houses with no family members in,
their reason being,
'visitation should be to visit family members, if they are not in,
then there won't be any meaning in visiting.'
And I wonder,
is this it or cos of the ang bao? haha.

I felt that during this CNY,
I peeled abit of my mask in front of my relatives.
In the past,
I had to put on a mask,
I couldn't be myself,
perhaps cos I was insecure,
maybe I wanted to have a high market value,
and of cos I definitely not want to reveal my stupidity.
At least this year,
I got to know which sec sch my youngest cousin is in.
I didn't really care about how many packets I received.
I didn't feel shy with my relatives.
I wasn't affected by how my relatives judge me.
family & friends means more to me than money.

no photos this year,
all because I forgot to bring my camera along with me!
BOO.
let's wait and see if my cousin is kind enough to send me.


 ( a short getaway )

I knnnoooowwww its a little too late to start reflecting on 2008 but still.....
 

Last year was my worst year in the 22 years of my life! Many ups and downs, many  break downs, mostly emotional rides, and the rate is very high. Like I will breakdown every week, it can stay low for as long as a month, quite scary I know but its so true until I thought I had depression or maybe I had depression but I didn't know it. Whatever the case, it wasn't a good year emotionally and mentally. Last year also sent me on my new phase of life; working and university life, not easy i know but i believe with all my heart that it can done. I can never understand why ppl dislike working so much. I have also went through many friendship-straining events last year, some which have made me regret deeply. I never wanted to leave that scar there, I wanted it to heal like immediately but I know it is impossible.I know the scar is still there, but friend, you were great in dealing with that scar(s) :)

But ironically, last year was also the year I experienced so much more than those before. I faced so much stress in school just cos of the crazy sch fees even much more than I was in poly but the VERY VERY funny thing is I have never failed any module in poly and I have already failed 2 modules on my first sem in SIM. I came to a conclusion, i feel stress = will fail. I'm going to try very hard this sem to prove this equation wrong. Last year was also the start for the both of us, it was a really long stressful journey and i'm glad we made it out alive. I'm excited on this next journey.

I have also seen so much in the working world for the last year, different companies work differently and they have different kind of staffs, different benefits, different kind of boss and different kind of pantry.

My first company, Coffee Club is considered a SME, so the boss wasn't really that friendly and welcoming, they have majority malaysians, less than 20 staffs in the main office and yet they still love to stab each other's back, they don't have benefit at all! CNY eve still need to work to full day! and their pantry is pathetic, no food! and you are only limited to 2 cups of drink per day.
 

Followed by Epson, an MNC, not too bad, had a few off days, the boss wasn't that mean, the staffs there are so much friendlier to me at least though they love to slash each other's throat, but they have a vending machine at their pantry which dispenses out free cups of drinks.

Then to Bilcare, they are known as MNC but they aren't really that qualified as an MNC. This company is based in India, very traditional. the only good thing about this company is that their office is very nicely built, if you get what I mean. There are many secret doors to secret passages, it was fun going around but sometimes frustrating cos you can't find your way out. The bosses prefer to have their own pantry so they chased us down to to the other pantry and their pantry is rather normal, just tea bags, milo packs and biscuits.

Next was TTS with Sue! Initially I had my own room, but eventually I had to sit in with Sue. Our boss is very motherly and friendly but our colleagues were rather interesting. We gave each a nick name. I'm not sure which category to put this company in, but their pantry is pathetic until we have to bring our own tea, our own snacks, even our own lunch! But it was there that I had the most delicious lunch ever! haha cos we cooked at home and brought there. I didn't really had any benefit there maybe cos I only stayed there for a mth.

Now I'm at Dystar another MNC, this is the best company so far. We had offs on Christmas and New Year eves, I have 4 annual leaves, 2 MC leaves.  I have canned and packet drinks in my pantry and delicious biscuits and often we have people buying curry puffs, sugar rolls and cakes for us all to eat when we are hungry. My dept even have this snack counter for all of us to eat when we are hungry and apparently most of them gets hungry very fast. My boss is really really nice, good and thoughtful. I seriously think this company is on some baby spree cos apparently everyone is giving birth one after another. And the colleagues are really nice, the location is so convenient.

This year have started very well for me, a new cg, a new service venue, a nice workplace, nice colleagues, new heart, new spirit and new soul. 2008 isn't a year that I will love to rem but of cos its a year that I cannot forget. I would really love to 'forget what lies behind and strain ahead for the prize''
Lately, I have been loving to listen to alot of piano pieces, especially those of David Lanz. They are just too beautiful. It can calm any worried soul. Can always look for Ben for any sample, he's rather resourceful in this. haha.
This is one my favourite piece
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4z6QHPLOncc